Week 9

It's Week 9 of 'A View from Row Z', your uninformed take on the various happenings in the Dali's Salvadors Bowl Fantasy League. This week, one text message knocked Jen off the top of the league, and she sent it herself.

In July 1946 the Brooklyn Dodgers manager Leo Durocher was asked about the New York Giants, who were famously pleasant and famously bad.

The nice guys are all over there, in seventh place.

By the autumn it had been tidied up into "nice guys finish last". And this week’s matchups proved both versions wrong. Nice guys finish second.

A view from the Bernabéu

Sunday saw the NFL circus roll into Madrid, where Dali helped put on a decent show! The Bengals beat the Falcons 34-17. Six of us had a player on the pitch. The one coach actually in the building had none.

Joe Burrow (29.54pts) threw three touchdowns and ran in a fourth for Jen. Ja'Marr Chase (31.5pts) caught 10 for 155 yards for Eric, most of it before half time. Bijan Robinson (25.7pts) ran for 100 yards for Rich, Evan McPherson (13.0pts) kicked a 56-yarder for Zan and Chase Brown (10.5pts) did a shift for The Ghost. Besty's contribution was Nick Folk (4.0pts) missing from 38 yards in the fourth quarter, and Dali for sure had a better view of that than Besty did.

Top stats, Week 9

Highest scoring team

Guillotine Swordz171.25pts

Lowest scoring team

Shedeurs Support Group76.51pts

Highest bench score

Game Of Throws67.86pts

Top rostered player

C.J. Stroud37.36pts(on Andy's bench)

Closest game

Breece Lightning v trips right 62 all go0.54pts

Biggest blowout

Guillotine Swordz v OnlyRams75.45pts

Week 9: Breece Lightning - W (115.48) 5-4 // trips right 62 all go - L (114.94) 7-2

Sunday started with an outbreak of sportsmanship. Before kickoff, Jen messaged Mike to let him know that George Pickens was out, leaving a hole in Mike’s line up. The switch was made in time and he won by 0.54pts. Whoever came in for Pickens scored at least 8.1pts, so if Jen had kept quiet, she'd have won by at least 7.56pts and still be top of the league.

Jen's line up was 100% efficient. She got every decision right, including the decent one, however much it cost her. Burrow and Tee Higgins (20.2pts) did their bit in Madrid. Patrick Mahomes (14.48pts) sat on the bench for the third week running, dodgy elbow and all, and for the third week running it was the right call. She's still 7-2, just in second place now, behind Eric on points. So, Jen. Do you regret sending that message? Be honest. Nobody here will judge you.

Mike will tell you this was all about CeeDee Lamb (32.5pts), who caught for 180 yards and a touchdown and then fumbled in the red zone late on to keep things interesting. Mike would be wrong. Last week Pickens in the line up cost Mike the game. This week Pickens nearly did it again from the injury report, and it took the opposing coach to step in. Mike is 5-4 and holding fifth. Get yourself to Clintons mate, a thank you card is the least you can do.

Week 9: Clapton Catz - W (147.38) 2-7 // A Tadd McShonkey - L (136.63) 3-6

The Silent Sniper has finally struck. Zan hadn't won since Week 1 and has barely said a word all season, and on Sunday he put up the second highest score in the league without telling anyone. Bucky Irving (27.5pts), Brock Purdy (25.28pts) and Luther Burden (22.7pts), who scored from 56 yards before going off with a concussion, did most of it. His Rams Defence (16.5pts) had Myles Garrett back from knee surgery, and Garrett marked the occasion with three sacks and a line that suits a man ending a seven-game losing run.

I am that closer, so we don't need to look any further.

Zan's line up was 98.9% efficient, good job. Last week I asked how his run was going. Now we know. It ended against Rich.

Richard. Last week, I predicted the loser of this fixture would take a big step towards the Shit King crown. You scored 136.63pts, the third highest total of the week (commendable), and lost to a man who hadn't won in two months. Jordan Love (36.18pts) threw three touchdowns and ran in another, Bijan was the best player on the pitch in Madrid and your Houston Defence (16.75pts) sacked Justin Herbert eight, yes eight, times. You've finally found a use for the Chargers, and you still lost.

Breece Hall (11.7pts) and Zach Charbonnet (9.6pts) sat on the bench while Rachaad White (4.9pts) and Zay Flowers (5.3pts) started. Swap them and Rich wins by 0.35pts. Two changes. Thirty-five hundredths of a point. My co-Commissioner is now 3-6, level with me, and the pair of us are long shots for the playoffs. Mine was a hammering. His was two taps in the app, which probably stings a bit.

Week 9: Multiple Goregasms - W (112.76) 6-3 // Dali's Salvadors - L (101.86) 2-7

The battle of South Shields went to Besty, and it went to him without much help from his Kicker. After missing a 53-yarder last week, Folk kept his place and missed again, this time with Dali in the building. The week Besty finally benched Kyle Pitts (5.3pts), Pitts outscored the Kicker he kept. The Kyle Pitts Experience is now trolling him from the bench. Christian McCaffrey (22.7pts) and James Cook (16.7pts) on Monday night carried the rest. Besty is 6-3 and third in the league.

Dali's Bears are 7-2 and Dali is 2-7. One wins ugly, the other loses ugly. Caleb Williams (13.76pts) threw four interceptions on Sunday night and the Bears still won on a field goal with no time left, with Dali's Bears Defence (16.5pts) scoring a touchdown of its own.

The reigning champion is now bottom of the league, behind Zan on points. He's been here and worse before. We all remember the 0-12 run, a record nobody expects to see beaten, and the following year he won the whole thing. So, nobody is writing him off yet. Well, maybe…

Week 9: Guillotine Swordz - W (171.25) 7-2 // OnlyRams - L (95.8) 3-6

Eric was finished with me before the 6pm (1pm EST) games were over. Chase had already done his work in Madrid, Kenneth Walker III (36.3pts) was busy running in three touchdowns against the Jets and Travis Kelce (17.3pts) was chipping in, so Eric sent the message. "You going to make a comeback?" Matthew Golden (32.4pts) then caught 10 for 164 yards in the late game, just to underline it.

His Cowboys blew a 10-point lead again, this time against the Colts, and this time held on, with Dak Prescott (18.5pts) in Eric's line up. The go-ahead touchdown was scored by Javonte Williams (22.4pts), who has been a constant for my line up. Even my best player was on Eric's side. Eric now sits top of the league on points for, ahead of Jen. The welcome party is well and truly over, Eric. Please stop.

To answer your question, Eric. No. I had Jared Goff (5.3pts) at quarterback on the day he threw for a season low. My line up was 93.9% efficient, which sounds respectable until you work out that the perfect version still loses by 69.23pts. The three-game winning run is over. The comeback starts now. Definitely. Maybe.

Week 9: Game Of Throws - W (127.28) 6-3 // Shedeurs Support Group - L (76.51) 4-5

Last week Andy read my look ahead and benched C.J. Stroud on his BYE. This week Stroud came back, threw for 384 yards and five touchdowns against the Chargers, and Andy left him on the bench again. The top rostered player in the league was a substitute. Tyler Shough (17.7pts) started instead and did throw the overtime winner for New Orleans, so Andy will argue it worked. Josh Jacobs (-0.5pts) started at FLEX and broke a finger. Andy left 67.86pts on his bench, more than anyone, and still won by 50.77pts. Andy does it again, much like Arsène Wenger’s uncanny ability to keep qualifying for the Champions League… fourth place is like winning a trophy, right?

The Ghost's luck ran out. Travis Etienne started in the FLEX and scored nothing, again. Garrett Wilson (0.0pts) was in the line up and out with a concussion. Jeremiyah Love (0.0pts) was in the line up and might as well have been. The Patriots Defence (0.25pts) gave up 45 to Green Bay. His Jags did their best, with Cam Little (17.0pts) kicking and Parker Washington (17.1pts) scoring from the bench as Jacksonville beat the Ravens 33-10 on Thursday.

Puka Nacua (34.0pts) caught 14 for 150 yards and a touchdown and then hurt his knee on the Rams' final snap. It's sprains to his MCL and PCL plus turf toe, and Sean McVay says he's likely heading to injured reserve for at least four games. Given what Reece did with Etienne, expect Puka in the starting line up until Christmas. The Ghost is 4-5 and still has a better record than both Rich and me. *sigh*

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Stats from the Overlord

The headline numbers are below. For the rest, you nerds can head to the insights page. Everyone else, carry on.

Standings

A look ahead

No predictions this week. I am keeping it brief.

The Bears, Broncos, Eagles and Bucs are on a BYE, and it lands unevenly. I play Andy, who's without Saquon Barkley and has a fresh chance to start the wrong quarterback. Besty plays Eric, third against first, with Eric missing D'Andre Swift, Emeka Egbuka and his Kicker and Besty missing Godwin and Loveland. Jen plays The Ghost, who's without Puka Nacua and Courtland Sutton and may not notice either. Mike plays Zan, who loses Bucky Irving and Luther Burden, the two who ended his losing run.

Dali plays Rich, bottom against eighth. The Bears are off, so Dali loses Caleb Williams, Rome Odunze and his Bears Defence in one go. Rich and Jen are the only coaches without a single player on a BYE. If Rich loses this one, there's nowhere left to hide.

The trade deadline is Week 11. Long shots, this is your window. You know who you aren’t.

The waiver wire

According to Sleeper, our available top picks on the waivers include:

Carson Wentz - QB

Audric Estimé - RB

Tank Dell - WR

Darren Waller - TE

Cairo Santos - K

New York Giants - DEF

Besty, Cairo Santos is right there.

Never Apologise. Never Explain. Let's Go!