Week 7

It's Week 7 of 'A View from Row Z', your uninformed take on the various happenings in the Dali's Salvadors Bowl Fantasy League. It's raining, it's dark by five and on Sunday the clocks went back, which means we all got our weekly dose of NFL an hour earlier. Some of us used it better than others.

Rich had the whole of Sunday to himself and his sofa. Last I heard he was two beers in, and with no Stade de France to get to I suspect that's roughly where it stayed before an early night. He won anyway. Dali spent his extra hour working at the Stade de France. Zan spent his birthday weekend losing twice, which we'll come to. The Ghost spent his the same way he's spent the last seven weeks. Absent.

The plane ride home

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On Sunday night in Seattle the Chiefs scored 3 points. Their first came with 1:42 left in the third quarter, the latest they've ever got off the mark in a Patrick Mahomes regular season start. Somewhere in there Xavier Worthy dropped a pass that had Mahomes grabbing his helmet in frustration, and the Seahawks won 20-3. Mahomes summed it up afterwards better than I could.

You got to feel it on that plane ride home and understand that it sucks.

So, who was on the plane? Not Jen. She'd benched Mahomes (5.0pts) for Joe Burrow, more on that later. On Monday ESPN's Dan Orlovsky said that when it comes to throwing to wide receivers, Mahomes is "a bottom-10 quarterback". Jen got there a day before ESPN did. Eric was, with Travis Kelce (8.4pts) and Kenneth Walker (9.7pts), who went back to Seattle for the first time since winning Super Bowl MVP for them in February. Seattle didn't return the favour.

Rich was. Mike dropped Xavier Worthy last Wednesday, Rich claimed him on Thursday, and on Sunday Worthy (4.1pts) dropped that pass. Mike had got rid of the Chiefs Defence that same Wednesday morning. When Mike is reading the market better than the rest of us, something has gone badly wrong with this league.

The only person in this league who enjoyed any of it was Andy, whose Seahawks Defence (12.5pts) was the best in the league. He still lost.

Top stats, Week 7

Highest scoring team

trips right 62 all go155.88pts

Lowest scoring team

Shedeurs Support Group53.0pts

Highest bench score

OnlyRams66.1pts

Top rostered player

Tony Pollard36.5pts

Closest game

Breece Lightning v Game Of Throws26.11pts

Biggest blowout

A Tadd McShonkey v Shedeurs Support Group72.51pts

Week 7: Breece Lightning - W (139.23) 4-3 // Game Of Throws - L (113.12) 5-2

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Mike went to bed on Monday night losing to Andy by 12.89pts, with three players left to go in a game that kicked off in Philadelphia at quarter past midnight our time. He was, presumably, asleep. While he slept CeeDee Lamb (24.4pts) caught two touchdowns, George Pickens (15.7pts) caught another and Brandon Aubrey (14.0pts) kicked three field goals, one of them from 55 yards. The Cowboys won 38-21 and Mike woke up to a win he didn't see a second of.

Lamb had a message for everyone afterwards: "I know for a fact there's not a person in this league that can stop us." He meant the NFL. Mike will have taken it personally. The reigning Shit King is 4-3, on a two-game winning streak and above Rich, Dali and me.

Even his waiver claims are landing. With Trevor Lawrence on a BYE, he put in for Bo Nix (29.28pts), who turned out to be the best quarterback in the league this week. Who is this man and what has he done with Mike?

Andy started Derrick Henry (5.9pts), whose Ravens lost 35-13 at home, and left Quinshon Judkins (23.4pts) on the bench. He also dropped Tyler Shough, last week's hero, to make room for Bryce Young. He did it about 20 minutes before Shough kicked off in Paris. Young then threw two interceptions and lost a fumble as the Panthers were beaten 43-13 by the Bucs, and summed it up himself: "A lot of that stuff's inexcusable." Andy is still joint second, but the luck is, hopefully, starting to wear thin.

Week 7: A Tadd McShonkey - W (125.51) 3-4 // Shedeurs Support Group - L (53.0) 3-4

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For six weeks I've treated every Rich decision as a national emergency or crisis of confidence. Give him a day off, no wife or child, no Chargers game to think about and a couple of cold beers and he sets a 100% efficient line up. Zay Flowers (27.7pts) turned a short pass into a long touchdown and Trey McBride (27.1pts) did the rest. The family should go away more often. He even let go of the Jags Defence, because they were on a BYE. Growth.

Then there's The Ghost. Last week I pointed out that Josh Allen and Cam Little were on a BYE, and that in Reece's case nothing would change. Nothing did. Josh Allen started. Cam Little started. Travis Etienne, who the Saints have put on injured reserve, started. Jeremiyah Love started. Four of his nine scored nothing and he finished on 53.0pts, the lowest score of the season so far.

Seven weeks. Same nine players. The Jags were on a BYE, so Reece didn't even have a game to present. He had a free Sunday, plus a bonus hour, and still didn't log in. This stopped being funny about a fortnight ago. Now it's just a bit sad. Somebody check in on him.

Week 7: trips right 62 all go - W (155.88) 6-1 // Multiple Goregasms - L (121.29) 4-3

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Last week Jen walked out of theatre with a clamp and a scalpel still inside the patient. This week she scrubbed up properly. Joe Burrow (28.88pts) was back from a BYE, Mahomes went to the bench, and Burrow and Tee Higgins (26.8pts) took the Ravens apart 35-13. The Ravens Defence they took apart belonged to Besty, and it finished on -1.75pts. Highest score of the week, 6-1 and top of the league by a game.

Besty did nothing wrong. Drake Maye (27.44pts) was excellent on Thursday night, Colston Loveland (19.9pts) was in the same game, and Besty's line up was 100% efficient. He even started Kyle Pitts (13.2pts), and for once Pitts turned up. A perfect line up and a loss by 34.59pts. Feels a bit like Sam Fender's tour announcement, great he is playing shows, not so great that the ticket pricing is a joke. I am sure Dali has an opinion here...

Week 7: OnlyRams - W (150.62) 2-5 // Clapton Catz - L (121.22) 1-6

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Zan. Happy birthday, mate. Sorry about the present. You lost to me, and on the same weekend you got the chop in the other league we're both in. Obviously, your lowest score came on your birthday, and the rest of us are now picking through your roster. Brock Purdy (12.02pts) threw two interceptions as the 49ers lost for the first time this season, and that was more or less, that. Quick shout out to Bucky Irving (23.0pts) and Luther Burden III (23.7pts). Zan won Week 1 and hasn't won since. He's bottom of the table on his own now.

Now me. Back-to-back wins. That's a winning streak, and I'll be shouting about it until somebody stops me. I've scored the fourth most points in the league and I'm 2-5, so I'm reading the standings from the bottom up, where I'm already up to eighth. J.J. McCarthy won his first start for the Giants this weekend without throwing a single touchdown pass, then said "Truly, the only stat I care about is going 1-0." Same, J.J. Same. Jaxon Smith-Njigba (31.3pts) helped put the Chiefs on that plane. Tony Pollard (36.5pts), the best player in the league this week, scored three touchdowns, all of them against Rich's Browns Defence, and did the whole thing from my bench. I'm not apologising. I won. The playoff push starts here. I can feel it.

Week 7: Guillotine Swordz - W (117.58) 5-2 // Dali's Salvadors - L (64.22) 2-5

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Dali was working at the Stade de France on Sunday for the first NFL game in Paris. The Saints ran the ball 17 times for 18 yards and lost 16-10 to the Steelers. Their only touchdown went to Devaughn Vele (16.4pts), scored in front of Dali, from Dali's bench. Aaron Rodgers, released by Dali a fortnight ago, threw the Steelers' touchdown and won the game. Afterwards he suggested the NFL should play a whole week of international games, which is either great news for Dali or a lot more Sundays at work. Eric's Steelers Defence (10.5pts) was out there too. So Dali, presumably on the train, went to Paris to watch his bench score, his old quarterback win and his opponent's Defence keep the Saints out. The review of the day was that it looked impressive and there were (surprisingly) no riots. High praise, for Paris.

Back stateside it got worse. Cam Skattebo, last week's Skatte-poo, sat on the bench this time and scored a touchdown with a backflip (19.1pts). Dali's line up was 62.2% efficient, the worst in the league, and he finished on 64.22pts. If The Ghost didn't exist it would have been the lowest score of the week.

Last week I said Eric's Cowboys were back on script, and we all know how that story ends. Apparently not yet. For the third week running Eric's line up was 100% efficient. The Chiefs cost him Kelce and Walker and it didn't matter, because on Monday night the Cowboys went to Philadelphia, won 38-21 and Dak (23.28pts) threw three touchdowns. Eric is 5-2, second in the league, and this morning he's the happiest Cowboys fan in New York.

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Stats from the Overlord

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The headline numbers are below. For the rest, you nerds can head to the insights page. Everyone else, carry on.

Standings

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A look ahead

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The game of the week is Andy against Eric, 5-2 against 5-2, for second place. I am certain that somehow Andy will find a way to win it. Mike plays The Ghost, which is a coach on a roll against a man who hasn't opened the app since the draft. Easy pickings. Jen plays Rich, Besty plays Zan, and I play Dali, 2-5 against 2-5, in the battle of Daly and Dali.

The Texans, Saints, Giants and 49ers are on a BYE, and Dali has been hit hardest. Nico Collins, Cam Skattebo, Isaiah Likely, Devaughn Vele and his 49ers Defence are all off. Work to do there mate. Andy's quarterback and his Kicker are both Texans, so it's Bryce Young time. Inexcusable, apparently. Besty loses Christian McCaffrey and Chris Olave, Zan loses Brock Purdy and his Kicker, and The Ghost loses Travis Etienne, which makes no difference to anyone.

The waiver wire

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According to Sleeper, our available top picks on the waivers include:

Kirk Cousins - QB

Seth McGowan - RB

Konata Mumpfield - WR

Michael Mayer - TE

Jake Bates - K

Jacksonville Jaguars - DEF

Rich, they're still there.

Never Apologise. Never Explain. Let's Go!