Week 6

It's Week 6 of 'A View from Row Z', your uninformed take on the various happenings in the Dali's Salvadors Bowl Fantasy League. Jen's perfect start is over, Andy is somehow joint top of the league, The Ghost still hasn't logged in and I have won a game of fantasy football. Take a moment. Remember where you were.

The blue tent

For once it was a coach who was the headline injury this week. Mike McCarthy, now of the Steelers, got stepped on walking off at half time against the Bucs. He never made it to the locker room. He spent the break in the blue medical tent on the sideline while his assistant gave the team talk, then limped back out for the third quarter. The Steelers were 13 points down in the fourth and won it in overtime. It must have been the limp that inspired it.

His verdict on the ankle was "I got stepped on, but it's nothing major. Just shake it off." His verdict on the tent was better.

I don't recommend it. It's really hot in there.

The tent had a second patient. The Rams cut their Kicker after his blocked 48 yarder lost them the Bills game, and signed Blake Grupe on Tuesday. On Sunday Grupe kicked a 44 yarder, then went to make the tackle on the kick-off return and got folded up like the proverbial deckchair, by Devin Duvernay. He tore his ACL and he's out for the season. With nobody left to kick, the Rams went for two after their next touchdown, missed, and lost 18-16. This is why Kickers don't tackle.

Top stats, Week 6

Highest scoring team

Guillotine Swordz165.92pts

Lowest scoring team

trips right 62 all go66.98pts

Highest bench score

OnlyRams50.8pts

Top rostered player

Christian McCaffrey29.7pts

Closest game

Game Of Throws v Dali's Salvadors30.21pts

Biggest blowout

Guillotine Swordz v Clapton Catz82.86pts

Week 6: OnlyRams - W (113.03) 1-5 // trips right 62 all go - L (66.98) 5-1

Last week, Jen knew she had some serious surgery to do around the bye weeks. In fairness to her, she did operate. Joe Burrow came out and Patrick Mahomes (10.48pts) went in. Justin Jefferson and Tee Higgins came off. Then she appears to have downed tools, walked out of the operating room and left a clamp and a scalpel inside the patient. Amon-Ra St. Brown stayed in the starting line up with the Lions on a bye. So did the Vikings Defence, whose bye I had listed for her by name.

Her new signing, Darius Cooper, started too and returned a fairly pathetic 1.9pts. Dameon Pierce (15.0pts), her other pickup, watched from the bench. The lowest score of the week, from the team that had scored the most points in the league.

Now me. I signed off last week with "I will see you next week, 0-6." It turns out the Commissioner's curse works on the Commissioner too, just backwards. Jaxon Smith-Njigba (25.4pts) did his bit on Thursday night and the Broncos Defence (13.25pts) beat the Seahawks in the same game. And Matthew Stafford (15.88pts) is back in my line up and kinda firing.

Before anybody says it, yes, this was a real gift of a win for me. A week late for my birthday, Jen, but I'll take what I can get. I'm off the bottom of the table and, unlike me, the Chargers are 0-6.

Week 6: Breece Lightning - W (131.04) 3-3 // A Tadd McShonkey - L (79.39) 2-4

Mike made the pick of the week in Week 5 and lost anyway. This week the league paid him back. The reigning Shit King is 3-3, level with The Ghost and above Dali and Rich, and nobody is talking about it, so I will.

After Week 5 Malik Nabers told reporters "I still got like 20% left to get to." He found some of it on Sunday (28.5pts). Trevor Lawrence (27.34pts) threw four touchdowns at Wembley, in the rain, in a game the Jags lost. Mike also swapped the Bengals Defence, on a bye, for the Chiefs, who happened to be playing the Chargers. The Chiefs (18.5pts) were the best Defence of the week.

Rich. Where to start. He picked up Jordan Love (20.24pts), which, turns out, was pretty decent. On Thursday, "Shippers", the man who warranted so much noise at Sp*rs, got unceremoniously released without so much as a thank you. Mind you, he was injured. On Sunday morning Rich started Tyler Allgeier (5.8pts) in the Flex while Keon Coleman (15.9pts) sat on the bench. Then he started the Jags Defence again. In Week 5 that was romantic, because he was going to the game. This week it was habit, and they gave up 34 at Wembley for -0.25pts.

Week 6: Game Of Throws - W (109.51) 5-1 // Dali's Salvadors - L (79.3) 2-4

Andy's quarterback scored -0.16pts in Week 5. Seven days later Tyler Shough (26.96pts) beat the Giants 34-27. Andy's Kicker won the London game too. Cam Little, The Ghost's Kicker, tied it from 60 yards with two minutes left, and Ka'imi Fairbairn hit a 49 yarder with three seconds left to win it for Houston. Of course he did, it's Andy. He's joint top of the league with the sixth most points. I have more points than Andy and I am 1-5. Andy, you're the former copy editor, so check this paragraph carefully for mistakes. There must be one in here somewhere. Surely.

Dali's turn to fall apart. His line up was 99.6% efficient and he still couldn't get to 80. Jahmyr Gibbs was on a bye, Cam Skatte-poo (0.0pts) gave him nothing, and his Texans Defence (0.0pts) went to Wembley and gave up 31. Add Rich's Jags and the two Defences this league started in that game scored -0.25pts between them. Dali, our man on the inside at these London games, missed the insider memo this week.

On Wednesday Dali dropped Aaron Rodgers for Keaton Mitchell (0.4pts). On Sunday Rodgers dragged the Steelers back from 13 down and won it in overtime. That's Pickens, Stafford and now Rodgers. Dali lets them go and within a week they're doing something useful. The Bears did beat the Falcons 31-23 though, so Dali's Sunday wasn't a total loss.

Week 6: Multiple Goregasms - W (149.0) 4-2 // Shedeurs Support Group - L (73.15) 3-3

I asked you to guess whether The Ghost would start Chase Brown on his bye week. Nobody guessed wrong. Chase Brown started. So did Travis Etienne in the Flex, again, and Jeremiyah Love, and between them they scored nothing. From Week 1 to this week, same nine players. Same nine slots. Six weeks. Josh Allen (18.3pts) and Puka (14.0pts) couldn't repeat last week's late show and The Ghost's luck ran out at 3-3.

Besty was never troubled. Christian McCaffrey (29.7pts) was the best player in the league, James Cook (24.3pts) and Drake Maye (23.8pts) chipped in, and that was that. A week ago I told Besty to stop listening to me. On Sunday lunchtime he claimed Nick Folk straight off the Row Z waiver list. Folk scored 1.0pts. The ever (un)reliable Kyle Pitts (23.0pts) stayed on the bench, which for once isn't my fault.

Week 6: Guillotine Swordz - W (165.92) 4-2 // Clapton Catz - L (83.06) 1-5

Eric. In Week 5 your line up was 100% efficient, and it was the lowest score in the league. This week it was 100% efficient again and it was the highest. You did exactly the same thing and got the opposite result. Kenneth Walker (27.9pts) ran in two touchdowns against the Chargers and you're now top of the league for points scored.

You also started the Steelers Defence (14.5pts) and DK Metcalf (20.3pts), so your best week of the season was overseen by your Cowboys' old coach, from a medical tent. That night his two former teams played each other. The Cowboys lost 23-13, Dak (11.02pts) threw two interceptions and Matthew Golden (22.4pts) caught a touchdown against them. You're back on script, Eric, and we all know how that story ends.

Zan lost by 82.86pts, the biggest blowout of the week, with the least efficient line up in the league. The former Silent Sniper did make some noise on the waiver wire, beating Rich and Dali to Woody Marks, then left him (10.1pts) on the bench next to Luther Burden (17.5pts) while Tyler Warren (0.0pts) started at tight end. Zan is now 1-5, with fewer points than me. Bottom of the table. Has he given up already?

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Stats from the Overlord

The headline numbers are below. For the rest, you nerds can head to the insights page. Everyone else, carry on.

Standings

A look ahead

The fixture of Week 7 is 1-5 against 1-5. Me against Zan, for the right not to be at the foot of the table. I have learned my lesson about predictions, so I'm not making one. Elsewhere Besty plays Jen, Andy plays Mike, Dali plays Eric and Rich plays The Ghost.

The Bills, Jags, Chargers and Commanders are on a bye. The Ghost loses Josh Allen and Cam Little, which in his case means nothing changes. Rich loses the Jags Defence, which is a mercy. Mike loses Trevor Lawrence, and his back up, Jalen Hurts, was ruled out last week. Mike, the Eagles' replacement quarterback is top of the waiver list. Just saying. The Chargers aren't playing, which is sweet relief for anyone still harbouring playoff dreams.

The waiver wire

According to Sleeper, our available top picks on the waivers include:

Tanner McKee - QB

Roschon Johnson - RB

Omar Cooper Jr. - WR

Tyler Higbee - TE

Tyler Bass - K

Cleveland Browns - DEF

Aaron Rodgers is also available, if anybody fancies a quarterback Dali didn't.

Never Apologise. Never Explain. Let's Go!