Week 8

It's Week 8 of 'A View from Row Z', your uninformed take on the various happenings in the Dali's Salvadors Bowl Fantasy League. This was the week effort stopped mattering. Some of us tried very hard and lost, and some of us didn't try at all and won. Mike managed to lose from 5,500km away.

Zero for three

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On Sunday, in the driving rain, the Buccaneers beat the Falcons 16-0 without completing a single pass. Baker Mayfield threw three times, missed all three and handed off 52 times instead. Bucky Irving (20.0pts) and Kenny Gainwell ran for 310 yards between them and Tampa finished with -2 passing yards. The last team to win a game without a completion was the Buffalo Bills in 1974. Mayfield kept it simple afterwards.

I'll do whatever it takes to win. That's all that matters to me.

With that in mind, we had some pretty outlandish stats of our own over the week. The Ghost hasn't completed a single line up change since the draft, and on Sunday he won. I left 97.34pts on my bench, and I won. Zan, Rich and Besty all had Falcons in their line ups, which made Sunday afternoon in Tampa a lot less fun for them than it was for Dali, who'd picked up the Bucs Defence (21.0pts) on Friday morning.

Top stats, Week 8

Highest scoring team

trips right 62 all go162.83pts

Lowest scoring team

Clapton Catz84.3pts

Highest bench score

OnlyRams97.34pts

Top rostered player

Joe Burrow39.48pts

Closest game

Shedeurs Support Group v Breece Lightning3.11pts

Biggest blowout

trips right 62 all go v A Tadd McShonkey50.91pts

Week 8: Shedeurs Support Group - W (117.06) 4-4 // Breece Lightning - L (113.95) 4-4

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I honestly thought this was going to be "easy pickings" for Mike. A coach on a roll against a man who hasn't opened the app since the draft. I stand by every word of it, but I was still wrong.

Mike is currently in Dubai, where it's still in the low 30s at this time of year, topping up his tan and probably his biceps, so we'll blame the heat. It definitely wasn't the line up. Josh Downs (12.3pts) sat on the bench while George Pickens (6.8pts) started, and the difference between them is bigger than the margin he lost by. One change would have made all the difference. Shoulda, woulda, coulda! It probably would have been better if the Cowboys hadn’t thrown away a ten-point lead with four minutes to go. Mike made no moves all week. Presumably the WiFi at the pool was poor.

As for The Ghost. A trademark gameweek. Travis Etienne, on injured reserve and on a BYE, started in the FLEX. Jeremiyah Love (2.3pts) started and picked up his third ankle injury of the season. Michael Wilson (26.8pts) sat on the bench. None of it mattered, because Josh Allen (26.56pts) and Puka Nacua (25.0pts) did the work. Bills coach Joe Brady said afterwards that "when you have Josh Allen, you're never going to get what you gameplanned for." Reece hasn't had a gameplan since September. At 4-4, with a better record than both Commissioners, it's working.

Week 8: trips right 62 all go - W (162.83) 7-1 // A Tadd McShonkey - L (111.92) 3-5

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Jen. Again. Joe Burrow (39.48pts) threw five touchdowns, ran in another one in overtime and threw three interceptions, all three to the same Titans safety, Amani Hooker. That's three more catches than Rich's Zay Flowers made all day. Tee Higgins (37.5pts) caught two of the five. Jaylen Warren (20.3pts), described by T.J. Watt after the game as "a bowling ball with teeth, man", ran for 143 yards. For the second week running Patrick Mahomes (26.44pts) sat on the bench and for the second week running it was the right call. This is why Jen is 7-1 and top of the league.

Well Richard. Where to start? The Chargers lost the Los Angeles derby 24-9 to the Rams, are now 0-7 and have gone 27 straight drives without a touchdown. Yes folks, you read it right, 27. On the fantasy side, Zay Flowers (0.0pts), last week's hero, was targeted five times and didn't catch any of them. His first game without a catch. Bijan Robinson (7.6pts) was in Tampa, getting shut out. Worse, Rich's receiver and his Kicker, Tyler Loop (3.0pts), both play for a Ravens team that's now down to an undrafted rookie at quarterback.

In fairness, the one bit Rich did get right was his waiver pickup of the Jags Defence, and they scored 22.0pts as Jacksonville beat the Colts 42-7. Not that it helped. His line up was 97.9% efficient, which only proves there was nothing better on his bench, and he still lost by 50.91pts, the biggest margin of the week. Some weeks you're just the Chargers.

Week 8: OnlyRams - W (115.08) 3-5 // Dali's Salvadors - L (90.58) 2-6

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The battle of Daly and Dali went to Daly. Three wins in a row. I won't pretend it was a masterclass, although it could depend on your definition…

My bench was STACKED. 97.34pts stacked, the most anyone's left out since Jen's 98.70pts in Week 2 last season. Even my bench can't beat Jen. Tony Pollard (27.7pts) ran for two touchdowns from it. Braelon Allen (23.3pts) ran for a career-high 147 yards. And Harold Fannin (22.4pts) caught 10 passes for a career-high 154 yards. On their own, my bench would have beaten Dali. My line up was the worst of the week at 73.1% efficient. Bhayshul Tuten (29.9pts) scored twice for the Jags and carried the rest. I'm 3-5, I've scored the fourth most points in the league and the team have finally come alive. Mostly on the bench, but alive.

Dali did the opposite. With five players on a BYE, he was advised he had work to do. He did it on Friday morning, picked up the Bucs Defence (21.0pts) which was genuinely one of the best calls of the week. He also picked up Tre Tucker (0.0pts), who started for him in a 38-33 Raiders shootout and scored nothing, which was genuinely one of the worst decisions of the week. Dali's line up was 100% efficient. The most efficient coach in the league lost to the least efficient one, and he can blame me, the BYE week or Tre Tucker, in whatever order he likes. The result doesn’t change.

There was a real-world consolation on Monday night. The Bears went to Seattle and won 34-17, they're 6-2, and Caleb Williams (13.98pts) and Rome Odunze (12.7pts) were both in Dali's line up. D'Andre Swift ran in three touchdowns. Sadly for Dali, Swift belongs to Eric.

Week 8: Multiple Goregasms - W (105.91) 5-3 // Clapton Catz - L (84.3) 1-7

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A few hours before kickoff, Besty logged in and picked up Chris Godwin. Unfortunately, the Buccaneers didn't complete a pass. And Godwin scored an eyebrow-raising 0.0pts. At the same time, Besty dropped the Ravens Defence for Washington's (16.25pts), which was smart, because the Bills put 36 on Baltimore. One out of two. He also started Kyle Pitts (2.6pts) at FLEX and Nick Folk (-1.0pts) at Kicker, both Falcons, both shut out. Folk missed a 53-yarder on the opening drive. The Kyle Pitts Experience rolls on. Besty won anyway, because of who he was playing.

Zan. My theory going in was that this league had dropped down Zan's list of priorities, somewhere below the other league he plays in and possibly below the washing up. I checked. He swapped his Kicker on Friday, benched every player on a BYE and set a 99.6% efficient line up. He hasn't given up. He's trying, and this is what trying looks like.

Lamar Jackson (0.0pts) hurt his thumb on his first pass and needs surgery. Zan's Rams Defence (14.0pts) picked off Justin Herbert twice in the derby, which was nice for him. He's lost seven in a row and he's bottom on his own. Some run you're going on there, Zan 😏.

Week 8: Guillotine Swordz - W (159.95) 6-2 // Game Of Throws - L (119.26) 5-3

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In Week 7 I wrote that Eric's Cowboys were back on script, "and we all know how that story ends. Apparently not yet." It ended on Sunday. Dallas led Arizona by ten with under four minutes to go, at about a 95% chance of winning. Arizona, already on their backup quarterback, tried an onside kick and didn't get it. They still won 33-30 in overtime.

Eric didn't need them. Ja'Marr Chase (31.1pts) and Burrow took the Titans apart in the same game that made Jen's week. His Steelers Defence (22.75pts) sacked Deshaun Watson eight times. Then on Monday night D'Andre Swift (27.9pts) ran in three touchdowns against Andy's Seahawks Defence (3.0pts). Eric's line up was 98% efficient. He's 6-2, a game behind Jen, and those two scored 40pts more than anyone else in the league this week. Everyone else is playing for third.

Andy. In the Week 7 look ahead I pointed out that his quarterback and his Kicker were both Texans and the Texans were on a BYE. He read it. He benched C.J. Stroud for Bryce Young (10.36pts). Then he started Ka'imi Fairbairn (0.0pts) anyway. Brock Bowers (28.2pts) scored twice against the Jets and kept it respectable, but it was never close.

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Stats from the Overlord

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The headline numbers are below. For the rest, you nerds can head to the insights page. Everyone else, carry on.

Standings

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A look ahead

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After two misses last week, I'm taking a vow of silence on predictions. I play Eric, which is three wins in a row against the second-best team in the league, and I'll say nothing more. Andy plays The Ghost, and after this week I'd be nervous. Jen plays Mike, who is back from Dubai and may find it colder in here. Besty plays Dali. Rich plays Zan, 3-5 against 1-7, and the loser takes a big step towards the Shit King crown.

The Steelers and Titans are on a BYE. Eric loses his Defence and DK Metcalf, Jen loses her bowling ball with teeth, Rich loses Germie Bernard and Besty loses Carnell Tate. Tony Pollard is also off, so the one week he'd have been in my line up he isn't playing.

The waiver wire

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According to Sleeper, our available top picks on the waivers include:

Gardner Minshew - QB

Devin Singletary - RB

Adonai Mitchell - WR

Mike Gesicki - TE

Tyler Bass - K

Detroit Lions - DEF

Eric, look away now.

Never Apologise. Never Explain. Let's Go!