Pre-draft

Welcome back to the annual delusion

It feels good to be writing this. Welcome back. Dali's Salvadors Bowl 2026 is finally here. New team names, new logos, new coaches, new strategies, and most importantly, Jen still hasn't given her team a real name for the eighth season running.

Nine will leave claiming somebody stole their pick. The tenth will have drafted two kickers.

We are one day out from the draft. Wednesday evening, 6pm (1pm EST for you Eric), and for one glorious evening every coach becomes an NFL general manager. Training camp reports have been studied, podcasts have been half-listened to, and at least one coach has built an entire strategy around a TikTok filmed in somebody's car. Reece just pulled up the Jags roster and decided they were all his.

Then the clock starts. Sixty seconds a pick. Ten coaches will enter the Sleeper draft room. Nine will leave claiming somebody stole their pick. The tenth will have drafted two kickers. Again. Reece, I'm looking at you.

The 2026 draft order

Ten teams, fourteen rounds, sixty seconds a pick, standard snake. Kickers and Defences are both in the roster, so the two-kicker option remains available to anyone who has no idea what they are doing.

The first pick is the hardest one to enjoy. All that pressure, then eighteen picks of silence before you go again. Pick well and wisely, Dali. Maybe you picked better in your other league, but I suppose we'll never know.

Where you draft is critical

No, I am not talking about sitting on the beach or drafting on the train home from work. The awkward part of a snake draft is that where you sit really does matter. Everyone has found an Instagram post explaining why their particular slot is secretly the best. But we all know the correct answer is fifth.

Picks 1 to 3: the poisoned chalice

You get one of the biggest stars. You then spend roughly three working days waiting for your next selection.

Typical behaviour:

• Announces that the first pick was “obvious”.

• Becomes visibly distressed as eighteen players disappear.

• Claims the round two target was “always the plan”.

Picks 4 to 7: the sensible middle

The least dramatic draft position, and therefore completely unsuitable for this league.

Typical behaviour:

• Says they are “letting the draft come to them”.

• Has secretly completed 38 mock drafts.

• Will still panic when somebody starts a quarterback run.

Picks 8 to 10: the turn merchants

Two picks close together, followed by enough waiting time to reconsider every decision you have ever made.

Typical behaviour:

• Loves their first two selections.

• Immediately hates one of them.

• Spends the next eighteen picks staring at a player somebody else already owns.

Players I think might be quite good

As part of this week's issue I have compiled a list of players I think might be quite good this year. It has taken extensive, deep research to make sure you are all well informed and clued up on the surprises this league can offer.

Tap to reveal

• Jahmyr Gibbs

• Bijan Robinson

• Puka Nacua

• Ja'Marr Chase

• Jaxon Smith-Njigba

• Amon-Ra St. Brown

That is the top six by average draft position, in order. The research was extensive. Do with it as you please and expect plenty more of this calibre as the season progresses.

The medical department

I'm sure you are all pre-eminent experts in ACLs, workload management and the precise recovery time of a 33-year-old Achilles. It really is amazing what you can learn from a man called FantasyBallz89.

Cleared is a wonderful word. Its lack of commitment leaves me feeling warm and fuzzy inside.

Here is the current state of the treatment room, assessed to the highest standard available to me.

Christian McCaffrey has “tightness” and has been limited in practice. Could mean nothing. Could mean the season. Take him seventh overall and find out with the rest of us.

Everyone’s favourite wildman, Puka Nacua, has groin soreness but is expected to be ready for the opener down under. However, he could be suspended from Week 1 after inexplicably biting a woman on the shoulder on New Year’s Eve. His lawyer has described the incident as ‘consensual horseplay’, a phrase doing an enormous amount of heavy lifting.

George Kittle tore his Achilles in January, came off the PUP list over the summer, and is apparently fine. Achilles injuries are famously fine. Fine.

Malik Nabers tore his ACL last September, had a follow-up cleanup procedure, and has now been cleared for the season. Cleared is a wonderful word. Its lack of commitment leaves me feeling warm and fuzzy inside.

Josh Jacobs has a groin problem that will cost him at least a week, and a possible suspension sitting on top of it. Two entirely separate reasons to be nervous, which feels like a nice place to be.

Patrick Mahomes tore his ACL in December, is reportedly ahead of schedule, and is expected for Week 1. Draft him with the confidence of a man who has not read the small print.

Players to avoid, possibly

The preseason superstar

Zavion Thomas and Skyler Bell. Rookie receivers who looked incredible in preseason Week 3 against defenders who will be selling questionable life insurance by November.

The familiar name

Travis Kelce. Was brilliant three seasons ago. Now married to an English teacher in a quiet ceremony in Madison Square Garden. He is DEFINITELY not distracted. No.

The exciting backup

Tank Bigsby. Fantasy analysts love him. He is also behind Saquon Barkley. His coach seems less convinced than your podcast is.

A change of shirt does not automatically create 150 targets.

The new-team saviour

A.J. Brown in New England. Jaylen Waddle in Denver. A change of shirt does not automatically create 150 targets. Go careful now.

Classic clangers

I look forward to seeing who is going to make these a reality. Probably me. Or more likely Reece.

The great quarterback panic

The first quarterback will be selected, most likely Josh Allen. A second will follow within about four picks. Somebody will then decide the NFL has stopped producing quarterbacks and take one two rounds early.

The important thing is to remain calm. Unless I start the run, in which case everyone should immediately follow.

The app loyalist

Selects whichever player appears at the top of the app. Later describes this as “best player available”.

The FOMO pick

Drafts a player purely because the coach before them said, “I can't believe he's still there.”

The badge collector

Has four players from the same NFL team and insists the bye week will “sort itself out”. If this isn’t Reece and the Jags, I will literally eat my hat.

The early Defence

Drafts a Defence in round eight because Myles Garrett and Aaron Donald. Someone is picking up the Rams DEF early and you all know it.

The handcuff enthusiast

Owns so many backup running backs that his team is fully prepared for a disaster affecting somebody else. Get in line for the trade block.

The queue catastrophe

Adds 25 players to the queue, forgets to remove the injured ones, and ends up selecting somebody they researched in June.

The bye-week accountant

Passes on a clearly better player because two existing players share a bye. Will drop both before that week arrives.

Draft award categories

Winners to be announced next week:

• First coach to draft a quarterback.

• First coach to say “oh fuck” during the draft.

• First coach to blame Sleeper.

• Most obvious panic pick.

• Earliest Defence.

• The “I was taking him next” award.

• First coach to draft somebody who is already injured.

• Best and worst draft grades.

No plan survives the other nine coaches

Players will be stolen, queues will be emptied and somebody will take a quarterback just as you decide to wait another round.

Prepare carefully, stay flexible, and remember the only universally accepted draft strategy: every selection I make is calculated, every selection you make is a reach.

Good luck. But not too much.